Unknown Eccentricities

Trip to Kerala.

2012-01-27T22:53:00.006+05:30

Travelling is therapeutic I have heard, but when you actually put your pedal on the ground and begin your journey, you realize it is something more than just that. Having to go through from one place to another. You witness quite a lot of things, from different places to people, different cultures, food, different style of living, climate and so on and so forth.

After welcoming the year 2012 with a big night celebration the next thing in line was to pack my bags and go for a weeklong vacation to the God’s own country- Kerala.

People are unique; they are mostly categorized to the places they belong to, the history that place had, the demographics so to say. For instance, Kerala – people are very sweet, calm, non-intrusive, mild spoken, always smiling simple beings.

Because there is history associated with that mannerism, 99% literacy rate, non-involvement in any violent activities like wars or terrorism. Good source of income through whatever vegetation they could have through whatever means thanks to their knowledge and self dependency which largely comes through education and exposure. But most importantly their self reliance which is very contagious, no sense of insecurity, they are happy in whatever they have and whoever they are. They don’t want to compete or prove a point to others.

They don’t fantasize if others have it and they don’t, they are content beings and therefore more satisfied than the rest of us, especially North Indians who are particularly known for their display of assets and wealth.

Anyway, Kerala was beautiful, would love to go there soon. Happy vacation.

I am happy!

2012-01-24T18:31:00.003+05:30

A happy state of mind is a wonderful feeling indeed, everything around feels so right, feels just perfect.

I am happy to be happy :)

She was me!

2012-01-13T17:42:00.002+05:30

One deep cut and it will end, all the thoughts loitering in her head, all the worries throbbing inside her timid heart, all the pain both mental and physical, everything will be silent, this time for good, permanently that is…

She had dealt with everything that came upon her, to her from the deep crevices of time and memories, from people and folks, from pain to forever suffering beyond repair.

It’s her misfortune and bad luck that stayed with her despite the efforts for a good life, just one hope lingered that this too shall pass and everything will be good one day…some day.

She was dead in the hope of becoming alive someday…

She was me…

May be...

2011-12-18T15:11:00.004+05:30

May be it was a dream, maybe I felt peace

May be I went there where there is no one to question,

No one to tell you what should be done

May be I needed this

May be I found what I was looking for

May be I dreamt of something…

May be those pills worked

May be I dream about that as well

May be I saw it coming

And yes it did

It was beautiful indeed.

PS: ©Rashmi Yadav

Death beckons…

2011-11-28T22:38:00.002+05:30

Through the door ajar, pain entered,

Lost In translation was her demeanor…

Thinking aloud were her morbid thoughts,

There, that shiver ran into the bones, then stopped…

That knife cut open the slit of her fair wrist,

Blood dripped and started falling on the ground drop by drop…

The calmness was soothing, tranquil peace she felt in her,

The pain was gone, so were the seeping of blood drops…

And then she got up and realized,

She had indeed become free…

Lifeless soul...

2011-11-26T21:24:00.006+05:30

Beautiful carcass built in those hazy eyes,

Withering pain dripping from the corner...

Wooden plank dislocating itself from the core,

Originating from the shaft and then sliding towards the gravity...

Meaninglessness has been its greatest virtue,

Lost is the feeling in the air...

Accepted fate, ruptured belief,

Disfigured dreams, scary sight...

Solitude beckons freedom,

Words hidden behind the closet...

Immersion is the latest fad,

Wish I knew the regulated formulation...

Calling out for peace of mind,

Whispering in this already silenced lips...

Wait has begun for the unknown,

Actually, it's for the end…

PS: Image Courtesy - Google Images.

Insatiation

2011-10-17T22:45:00.002+05:30

Nothing like this morning mist...

Everything is so hazy, so mixed, yet so clear

I stood in my balcony

Gazing in the horizon

It felt nothing, so tiny, very much belonged though

Like this is my own music, my own shade of color

My definition

My Satiation

It was may be meant to be this way

It was after all,

He grew on me, had engulfed me

This is the feeling of complete surrender

It was bliss

My love

My life

He drifted, started swaying

The wind is blowing real fast, real hard

Hitting on our faces

I clenched his fist

He unclasped his hand from mine

I knew it has ended

It was...

My life

My In satiation.

PS: Picture Courtesy- Google Images

Lonely stretch...

2011-09-28T01:13:00.002+05:30

It’s a long road of lonely stretch...

Stones, pebbles merging with the soil,

That dirt sticks to my shoes...

I hold on for some more time...

I try to jerk it off.

But then how could I...

This mirth was given to me from the elements of time

Memories of past, expectations of present...and aspirations of a future foreseen...

I tried to jerk it off...

On this trail of long lonely stretch,

I quiver, I breathe in...

I suck heavy layer of hope from the mist...

I chose this all, I accept

I make myself believe...

Walking over this long road of a lonely stretch...

PS: Image courtesy - Google Images

Festive time of the year!

2011-09-02T09:21:00.002+05:30

This is the "the most" best time of the year in India. All the festivals are very strategically lined one after another to keep the tempo of positivism and happiness in the air all over.

Everybody in the festive mood, all prayers in the hope to be answered, everything just so good and bright.

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi everyone!

O Dear Death!

2011-08-26T21:04:00.003+05:30

O dear death,

where thou shall meet me...

these roads of life,

have disappointed the very life in me...

thought i should try something new,

then remembered you...

a hope lingered,

may be something might come afresh...

Alone I stand...

2011-08-05T01:20:00.006+05:30

I stood there watching...

It felt uncanny, caged, and claustrophobic almost. Where was I, where do I stand in this homogeneous mixture of people, I often quiver when I am asked who am I?

I feel like a misfit, I try and absorb, I beg, I dance, I learn, I forget…

I feel inspired, I go lost, I feel humiliated, frustrated then I look around for motivation, then i surrender within. Sometimes, I find it at unexpected places, by chance as some may put. But guess life is like that, no? Unexpected, all by chance, things which happen where nobody ever fathom that it would take place.

Heart quenches the possibility, but thirst is still awake,

I feel numb, I feel life…

I fall, I stand up again,

I got lost, but I became myself again…and again.

Nothing like morning mist!

2011-07-16T10:36:00.006+05:30

It’s been drizzling these days, the torrential down pour have taken a back seat, time for drop-lets to make their presence felt a midst this heaviness and everything then becomes light, like a feather which just flew from nowhere and came and planted itself on your cheek and you do nothing but smile.

I am in love with everything about present, its plain, calm, serene, playful, inspiring and most important...it’s alive.

So am I.

Was spending my day in anticipation if this birthday is going to be yet another day, where I was the laid-back self, why, why not. And then something inside me says, get up and go.

I went, I laughed, I ate, I satiated myself, and I lived. In all a day well spent.

Cheers!

PS: Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, watch it…You sure won’t complain!

25th Birthday!

2011-07-14T23:31:00.004+05:30

Well...

What can i say?

Mixed feelings...don't know whether happy or sad or anything in between in this radar but yeah good to have a figure like 25.

Kind of makes me feel like i have achieved something important in life some benchmark kind of stuff which on second thoughts i haven't actually not even remotely...lot of thoughts swirling in my mind...lots to do.

For now,

Happy Birthday to me.

Cheers Babes!!!

The knock on the door.

2011-07-10T19:32:00.000+05:30

The knock on the door was very prominent. I could almost hear those footsteps, and my heart knew what is coming in front of me…the sound was very familiar to me and it was of someone important and that was very palpable.

I was numb.

He hasn’t come since long, we didn’t keep in touch either when he was away…but today, right now I could almost see it was him, even though I still hadn’t. I was waiting I did not know since how long. This wait had only gotten longer than last time.

He looked good…in fact he looked just the best. Those deep penetrating eyes, that strong gaze, that heavenly smile…and then…

Hey, he said.

Hi…

I somehow managed…to open my lips and blurt those words out while my mind was completely enchanted by the look my eyes were relishing at that moment.

You look decent…

He joked bringing a mischievous look on his face. And everything happened so suddenly…that I almost forgot to react.

And he burst out laughing.

Yeah. You don’t look that bad either. I smiled…

I joined in with him.

After the usual exchange of pleasantries which we both knew we didn’t quite fair well…we just about managed to scrape formal. And in between when I was busy with the verbatim of thoughts…I saw him checking me out.

He said, “But jokes apart, you sure do look stunning,” what have you done to yourself? I almost didn’t recognize you when I first saw you.

Hmm, well nothing much…just started looking at myself in the mirror…I trailed off. And we both stole a quick look at each other alternately.

So, you should get fresh, and I shall see you in an hour, I finished with that.

He smiled back, and he held at that till I left from there…

We met at a coffee table down the street…I ordered for him thinking he still likes it. And I was not wrong…he came and he did want it that way. We spoke about lot of things what all happened, our lives, career, people, dreams, desires, wants…and so on and so forth.

And since the last time we had checked our watches it had been way past late evening…and we almost forgot that we had to order our dinner, we felt hungry and stupid for completely forgetting…but it didn’t feel like much of a fault of either of us…no one was complaining. We were happy, we were satisfied, and we felt good.

We felt something we couldn’t fathom or explain what was it…we just could not stop smiling, peacefully…

While we paid our bill and made a move towards home, he interrupted the silence…

Would you come with me?

Where? I asked.

Somewhere just may be the outskirts of the city, a ride, you and me…talking our vocal chords out…

I was looking at that glint in his eyes, it was comforting, it was something else I couldn’t make out what…but I sure did like it. I had never seen it before.

He saw me smiling, and just when I saw him looking at me like that, I froze.

He then held my hand, which was freezing…he pulled me close and hugged me…he whispered in my ear, carefully dropping...I missed you so much. And as if I was longing to hear those words, I made my grip all the more tighter around his and as if I was splitting into many tiny shreds of my being…I missed you too, may be more, if not equal. Was all I could say?

He released me from his hug and held my face in his hands, my eyes were closed, my breathing was heavy, I was numb…he came closer…I was almost hearing him breathe…and then I felt love.

He kissed me on my lips, and then more…and then more and it grew so much so that we forgot we were standing in the middle of the road till we heard someone honking profusely.

And we ended our ritual abruptly but without even a tinge of disappointment, instead we burst out laughing even harder than previous.

This was the most beautiful night in a long time; we held each other’s hand and started walking towards home.

I now know what I felt when I first heard that knock on my door early during the day…I felt love :)

Beloved Bicycle!

2011-07-04T00:27:00.004+05:30

He came, he got caught, he stood there watching all this and then he just quietly left.

He was always the silent type, not making enough noise to make others realize his presence, or even talking so slow that almost just a whisper is all one could hear from him, the words chosen has to be with absolute precision, selection of words conveying exactly what is needed to be conveyed and not a word more or less. He had that certain charm about his persona and his calmness which showed in his demeanor was equally contagious. One would feel the very comfort once in his aura or the mere vicinity where he was present. Everything indeed was very soothing.

He walked very gently but that day his movements were hurried very unlike him, as everybody thought something was the matter with him. Moreover he didn’t say a word about where is he going or he needed someone to come along. Nothing, he just left.

Three days had passed with no news from his end, people around his locality got worried, smelling something bad. They went and filed an FIR about him missing. No one knew anything about him, who he met or he had any relatives or friends outside this locality where he lived as they never saw anyone visiting him or him going to any place.

Days had passed and no updates about his where about.

Now even everything got subsided down, till one day someone spotted a man resembling him. He was the familiar looking, more jubilant, smile transfixed on his lips whenever someone was looking at him and he would graciously smile back.

He was happy, He had got something.

He had got a bicycle which later probing from the people revealed his sudden absence and that he had won it in a competition he had participated.

He always wanted to win a bicycle…that was his childhood dream.

Decisions!

2011-06-27T09:19:00.003+05:30

Often I have found myself in a fix whether to go ahead with what is in front of me, or hold on for a second, think about it and come to a decision. But more often than not, I have to deal with this ordeal of having to take a decision in its first place and I get confused with the criteria’s I have and to base it upon for it to be most rational and thereby it serving the best outcome for me in the near future.

While discussing with a friend, we came across lot of things which shape our views and a lot depends on this while we arrive at a decision.

I am, as my friend who recently turned 25 put it, dealing with mid life crisis, where nothing moves me, nothing stops me…nothing motivates me enough to put the paddle on the wheel and zoom pass this void.

I see where exactly all these self-doubts stem from, from our past, from our probable future…but how could a future be formed on a confused baseline.

While speaking with another friend, one very interesting thought that he shared, made quite a lot of sense to me…we have been trained with a very wrong school of thought…we are mostly running against the current and think it proves our mettle but instead growing or flowing with it is the key.

I tried, I cried, I fought, I gave up, I stood up again…I conquered.

Meera

2011-06-26T05:04:00.003+05:30

I dreamt…

I dreamt of lush green environment where I would sit beneath that tree and breathe fresh air, with a book in my hand.

I could come up with nice punch liners beamed Meera, Meera works at an Advertising Agency as a Graphic Visualizer cum copywriter. She is doing very well for herself compared to her contemporaries also if someone when looks at her age one not only feels surprised but jealous. Her achievements in life so far have been nothing less than being extra ordinary and phenomenal.

I wanted to do something different; always having had issues with ordinary and run of the mills type work or even people doing common jobs repelled me. I knew I had what it takes to be on the top. Smart, intelligent knowing what it means to be at the right place at the right time. It would have been surprising if I wouldn’t have become what I have. It was kind of decided you know…she explained while chatting with a friend who had come from London after finishing his masters in business administration.

“Superb! I mean, I am so very proud of you, you have always been a go-getter how could I not think that you would be any less” beamed Rajiv.

Rajiv was a badminton player also with an MBA degree. Nice sober guy with no attitude of his assets, a fun loving, jovial and very level headed kind of person.

“So tell me, how it feels to be back in India?” asks Meera.

“Ah!!! It feels heaven, meera,” replies Rajiv.

“Hmm, nice…and when are you flying back? Questions, she...

“Well, I don’t really have any plans chalked out as yet, but yeah I am here for a month for sure,” finished Rajiv.

Meera, knew she had more to do with Rajiv, but she herself did not know what it was and where would it lead, not knowing when will it start anyway. It was all very confusing for her to even fathom about. She thought of it several times when Rajiv was abroad pursuing his studies but never did she shared it with someone nor she came to any conclusion herself. But this time, she wanted to have a closure for this very chapter at least.

She thought of talking to Rajiv about this, but how should it all begin was a major problem. She didn’t wanted him to be put in any uncomfortable situation that too when she knows that they are good friends and if something awkward will creep in, she’ll be ruining it for both.

Month went by, they shopped together, went for treks and movies and dinners together…and soon it was time for him to leave, they both were waiting at the airport and then his phone beeped. It was Beth on the line, his girl friend from Boston. Announcement began and then it was time to leave…he waved her bye.

She hugged him back and decided to keep it to herself.

Ashima!

2011-06-10T23:46:00.004+05:30

“I will start crying if you don’t pick me up in your arms,” cried Ashima.

She was only liked by this teacher as she would pick her up in her arms; cajole her to calm her down from throwing tantrums and wailing at her loudest decibel.

“I want to drink coke,” said she, making as straight a face as much as she can.

She was been counseled by this counselor who had come to prepare her for the amputation of her legs as she was suffering from bone cancer. Until that when she had to come drink her coke eat something as later that night she wasn’t allowed to have any solid food. The surgery was due for tomorrow afternoon.

All this while Ashima heard what she was been told very calmly and without making any fuss or even letting any expression on her face give away what was going on in her little mind.

Till she sees those leg support crutch being hung at the kitchen door, where she kept her eyes intently as the waiter would bring her ordered food and coke.

Thud!!! The sound came…

Those crutches fell off, because that waiter banged into them.

Ashima started banging her hands on the table and crying profusely, screaming and wailing and this was happening so sudden that no one knew what happened and how to react or do anything. The counselor as if got transfixed to the place she was sitting, and found herself unable to move or say anything to Ashima.

Suddenly everything seemed inexplicable.

Life is such, things happen…

Uncertainty!

2011-06-07T01:19:00.005+05:30

The writer in me is fading away…it is now filled with doubts, fear, anger and uncertainty. I look for signals, some kind of clues to lead my way ahead…to sanity to precision to a point where I can be free of self doubt and self questioning which is haunting me regularly as to whether or not I am worth it, what do I want to do, what do I like. Very easy these words might sound or be read but for a thinking narcissist like I am they are real killers. They kill the very mortality in me. I now fear being me.

I had again gone for the interview, have been giving interviews in a row, get selected too and then something happens and I somehow don’t end up joining or either they don’t call me back and I seem to be okay with this arrangement. If I don’t wish to join why do I go for the interview in the first place, why do I keep ridiculing myself like I want to work, I am in need, a search of a job when I don’t join it in the end.

These inner volcano eruptions are for me to feel, I don’t talk about it with anyone, I am a big player I don’t say the truth, I don’t talk anymore. I hide…

I am indeed looking for a push, a direction, and a new way which has to be strong enough for me to stand up and break free from this threshold which is holding me back. What exactly am I looking for, everything is becoming a blur. I am scared of the future. I feel cheated, strangely by nobody else but me.

I…am looking. Looking hard!

I am hoping I’ll find it soon, what is that, I am looking for!

Real Beauty!

2011-05-24T15:28:00.004+05:30

What exactly it means when anyone says or talks about real beauty? How can one get to know about it, what are after all the parameters based on which we might be able to set our demographics right? Is it the physical appearance which we often seem to get our views satisfied with, if yes then why the most beautiful looking people are not necessarily the most lovable souls?

This is one topic with which all of us familiarize at some point of time, yet it still mesmerizes us when we get to hear about it in any form. It intrigues us at the very basic level as to how we smile, blush, eyes growing moist with gratitude, we drop a tear or two even at times whilst listening to some stories, some old songs. How much ever we claim as strategically advanced beings, whatever we do or choose is basically entirely depends upon our emotional connect with it, thus it won’t be inappropriate to determine what is beauty for us, is very specific and subjective an emotion. Or even when we cuddle up a child in our arms the pristine emotion we feel, incomparable that is. Beauty and Love can exist in any form, any relation, the idea is to see it, feel it, strongly and truly. Therefore emotions are everything, they decide who we are, what we become.

Let’s take some examples in human relationships at various levels…

When I look at couples, the happy content ones I am talking about, the first thing that I look at is their eyes and the volumes they speak. I’ve often come across this discussion that physical appearance makes an important decisive aspect when in relationship between two people, yes it indeed is one! But at the same time it cannot be the sole deciding factor. Because if that would have been the scenario then our glamour industry, the people in limelight, the people we all know who are drop dead good looking, showing not even a speck of unaltered beauty, the “so called” beautiful people, the success ratio should then be the best there. There needn’t be any failures, but the irony is that even statistics prove that’s where it is indeed one of the highest.

Then what is it about beauty that we all are unaware about and therefore we constantly look for in our lives, career, relationships, prospective future partner or lover as we may say so and most importantly in our own skin. Out of complete curiosity and observation I’ve come across such people who are in love, madly in love with their partners, and when as a lay person, I see them they look quite ordinary to me. Yet out of the two when I see one of them who’s quite ordinary looking girl/guy and the other one is certainly with great body, sharp features, the first thought that comes to anyone’s mind is what have s/he seen in him or her. We often hear comments like “he could’ve gotten a better one,” but again when you look at them together, the calmness on their respective faces when with each other, the intimacy and the protectiveness about their relation, the sense of security, and the proud feeling of ownership on each other without even asking for it, yet the freedom they exude, says it all. And hence we can’t stop ourselves by saying that yeah they’re meant for each other, soul mates may be. They are completely unaffected by the trivial things like how do they look together, whose more physically vibrant than the other, who is elder to whom, who’s more fairer, how should they dress up, what would be their sense of style and many more such things. They are content with each other, and most importantly they are happy together. And that is beautiful!

Since, all of us offer to understand that “we do understand what it feels like, what it means by being beautiful” the question remains do we actually do? If physical aspect is not that a substantial factor then what is it? What is that particular thing which only some fortunate ones are blessed with? Or do we really care to ask ourselves what do we want truly, honestly? How can one measure it or more so, can it be measured at all?

The answer lies in one basic thing, by being true with our BEING. Which can be simplified here as, when we stop ourselves by getting carried away by the illusion of the outer self and look for its simpler, truer meaning. What are these truer meanings anyway?

When we don’t question who we are? We simply love and accept.

When we don’t feel the need to perform to deliver to prove our worth? We are content with what we have and thrive for better.

When we don’t have to act happy or even sad when our conscience knows we aren’t? We know this isn’t the end, there is more to life.

When we stop questioning numerously, and start listening to our own self, to this nature, this environment, the whole universe.

When we feel that we indeed are content with everything around and this contentment gives us Happiness.

Beauty is after all nothing but being happy with oneself and with everything that relates us. That is its greatest virtue.

As we all know, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”.

Purple!

2011-04-24T22:42:00.000+05:30

Purple orange was the color of the sky today

I looked above to only find out the nostalgia

He always loved this color purple

Would say, this makes me feel blue yet happy

Today this color had a different tinge of memory

Where have I reached, how long have I travelled

Walking endlessly

Emotions shift focus with time

Memories stay vivid still

I know what he meant then

I am finding it difficult to feel now…

Feels Like Home Lyrics!

2011-04-13T19:02:00.002+05:30

"Feels Like Home"

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Diya Ghuma Ke!!!

2011-04-03T12:49:00.007+05:30

AND WE WON THE WORLD CUP!!!

The nation is rejoicing, the tears running down like a stream, feelings can be felt, no words are needed...

Only one thought which is common in all of us and that is, Yes! we are proud to be an Indian.

India we love you :)

Jai Hind.

Us!!!

2011-03-20T15:44:00.005+05:30

Kiss me…I want to feel you, said she.

I don’t think I am in a mood to do any of those things; I have to show up early for my work tomorrow, let me go sleep. Good night.
He left, and went off into deep slumber. It was very unlike him, especially when it’s me who made the move and his disinterest irked me to a great deal. I wasn't used to this irrelevance, this irrevocableness. There was something more to this than just what he showed me.
Next day, I again tried and then again…and it went like this for long.

Till one day,

Are we through? I asked him.
What??? What are you talking about? I am not getting anything?
I am talking about us, she snapped back...and surprisingly you didn't even get when you and me had became us. You used to always understand everything when we were struggling for this union to happen.
And now…where have we reached, and you somehow don't get anything these past couple of days.

Oh common! Now please don’t act like dumb headed girls. I am a working guy, I have deadlines to cover, meetings to attend, I am trying to make ends meet and you knew how important this is to me, for me…for that matter for us, our present, our future.

Your future…not ours! corrected she.
Our present is losing its ground, where are you making our future to be settled between all of this.
Anyway, I don’t want to have a heated unproductive already lost discussion.
I am going. Take care…
Remember one thing, if it can’t be now, it can never be…

She left, and he was left alone...

I want...I miss...

2011-02-15T22:59:00.003+05:30

Reading through, sometimes, well most of the times between the words, lines, at all times through everything. I am scraping deadlines, asking for more, ducking my head underneath, scared someone will notice. I want to get noticed too but by whom…I don’t know.

I am speechless; I talk a lot with myself…asking, am I okay?

I look lonely, as people say to me; I deny it with sincere, confident assertion. I quiver later, when alone…I avoid confrontation from no one but me. I stand no chance of winning I know. It is not a very good feeling within, to be losing with your competitor who also shares the same name, face, identity, attributes but differs a lot, almost like an alter personality. Laughs at me, mocks me, and makes fun of me…

I beg, I plead, I yearn for separation, I long for assurance.

I want…I miss…

Love conquers all...

2011-02-14T22:16:00.003+05:30

It is so difficult to love,

It is very easy to hate,

Neither could i hate you...

Nor have you loved me...

PS: I miss being in love.

I knew i was into her...

2011-02-10T17:44:00.003+05:30

So which language do you speak at home, what cast do you belong to? asked she.

"Well! Its difficult. I am a Maharashtrain Sindhi mixture married to a Gujarati." was all that she replied and started giggling.

Her laughter was very contagious, a happy face, eyes very mesmerizing. Had something piercing about them, almost through me. I wanted to tell her, that i don't know, but i do understand. Given the scenario and the placement we were both in, i knew it would not have looked very obvious thus could have become the subject of attention for the people around.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. Her face didn't leave my memory even for a second. I knew i was into her totally.

I saw her the other day, she was limping carrying those huge bags, i went closer.

Can i help you, i asked.

No, i am okay, thanks.

I watched her go. I turned, i heard a scream and there she was lying in a pool of blood.

A car dashed into her, while she was crossing the road without the signal.

I would've helped her...

Revisiting Time which has gone by...

2011-02-07T09:54:00.004+05:30

I was watching Filmfare Awards last night and with me being caught up with Malaria and some Infection this was the best I could do to feel a little better. So I gathered all my stationary like tin can of medicines with coconut water and a quilt to cover myself when slight amount of discomfort or cold.

All set I started to watch Filmfare, the usual over the top jokes made on each other and the lights and the stars (Indian Film Industry Stars) all over. Then there was one performance which was of our ever so charming King of Romance Shah Rukh Khan and Queen of Dance Madhuri Dixit. And with them I got transferred to a land of love and roses and beautiful landscapes love everywhere…rose petals caressing your face. I went into my favorite and most comfortable zone, my dreams…yes. Yes! I am a complete romantic at heart that I dance to the tune of Ho gaya hai tujhko toh pyar sajna and Dil to Pagal Hai even till now with equal elegance than any other new current sensation.

I have been very unwell since past couple of days therefore almost bed ridden. But amidst this illness I still could not stop my dreams to fly, to love, to dream. Who knows may be they help me get well faster than usual. I am all about love and happiness. Any amount of negativity or hatred puts me off, my system stops functioning. Even as a child I was very sensitive towards all this so much so that I could almost sense that someone has fallen ill or going to fall ill or something not so good will happen…I still am. But I guess I had forgotten that.

It felt really good to meet myself again, senses completely attuned to my presence and the nature around.

I love and I am made only of love.

Love you all,

I want to be happy!

2011-01-31T16:36:00.002+05:30

A lot of times when someone asks me, what do you want? I either find myself mute or completely flummoxed to even broach this subject for any further discussion.

I want to be happy.

This is the ultimate truth of my being. Whatever I will do in life be it on all levels the criteria’s being that I should be happy, both at the end and most importantly throughout the process when it is happening. And this is what I want…

And, i am happy now :)

New Year...

2011-01-08T13:01:00.007+05:30

New Year Again!

I have been away from the writing sphere for quite sometime now, reasons being quite ordinary as i wasn't really busy or preoccupied with something. It simply was that i didn't had anything to say, much to my plain old lazy self.

OK, so now here i am to update you all of my absence and thereafter my whereabouts. I am shifting to a new place, no its just me moving in with two friends(not technically) but they are seniors from my college. This place is much much closer to office so yes that is the most important reason. Besides that i want to live life little more independently(literally). I am at a phase in life which is weird in its entire placement.

I feel more charged about living my dreams, of being associated with film making and storytelling in more ways than one but at the same time i feel lost. This is more like i am struggling to trace my roots and a body, a mind to hold onto.

Last year had some in fact too many additions to make in the chapters of my book of life. Lot of people gave some shocking surprises, lot of relations were shut in its being. Lot of new relations were found. Understood that 'Nothing is permanent' and nothing stays for long not even your perceptions, views, thoughts, emotions.

Learning is a constant ritual one does throughout the time one is alive. I am doing precisely that. Learning that no matter what you thought some time back does not holds true even now and may even do in future. People change! Relations change!

Life is collection of stories one tells and hears all the time. As there is no positive truth, no negative truth...its point blank truth. Period.

Happy New Year everyone!

Blessed Be.

:)

2010-12-19T23:44:00.005+05:30

I am happy!

Yes! I am very happy these days, hold your breath, i am not getting married(well that won't account for much happiness section but well....) neither am i getting promotion.

I am simply enjoying living with myself, i guess now i know what truly accepting yourself means, what it means to be comfortable in one's own skin. Literally.

I want to thank four people for this :

Nikita - She is my darling friend, my crime partner.

Anila - Another angel of my life.

Deepa - She is a god sent angel to me.

Kinjal - She is my office colleague and a dear friend.

All these people in their own way kicked my ass and gave me a wake up alarm. And they practically held my hand and drew me out from the self wallowing pity i was getting drowned in.

On a more practical level, i suffer from hypothyroidism which is also one very major factor in my re-occurrence of depression time and again.

But all said and done.

I am happy now and that is all that matters :)

Am i okay? No, i am not.

2010-12-13T11:31:00.007+05:30

A friend asked me this morning, like always, how am I doing?

And my reply was I am not okay. Just, well I don't want you to get irritated and snap back at me again. I have kind of withdrawn myself from the world outside reason being I am scared so...

He suggested that, I must travel. Let loose types.

I agree.

I do know that, i have done that and it helps me. Will do it again soon, I can’t now because I don’t have time. Then I went on.

I had one cousin's reception ceremony yesterday. And like always I again didn't go for that. Mom, bro everyone went.

They were (still are) extremely mad at me.

I always anticipate, prepare, for such occasions and last minute I chicken out.

I am afraid of not being welcomed like others(especially my brother), they'll all judge me, how I look, how fat I am, how asocial I am, how I am not doing as good in my career as everyone else.

And by doing this I insult myself so much that I feel drained to go witness the real scene.

I then torture myself but eating junk, while tears flowing from my cheeks, wearing and trying that saree which I had chosen to wear and didn't, look at myself in the mirror, look hard, cry more, cry profusely.

Wipe those tears away, go back to my nothingness.

Sleep. New day begins!

How to reach a state of Zen

2010-12-09T10:55:00.000+05:30

Our average lives are filled with stress and chaos. We need a release and, unlike Buddhist monks, we are far from trained to reach the ethereal state of Zen. This article is a helpful guide to obtaining a close form of the Zen we all wish to reach.

Read more: How to reach a state of Zen | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2158687_reach-state-zen.html#ixzz17ab79bGN

Things You'll Need:

quiet spot
candles
sounds
aroma

1
Scouting your spot is key. Trying to reach a heightened state requires meditation and to meditate you need a place that suits your relaxing needs. Usually, a remote outdoor location is appropos but for those of us in city limits, finding it hard to get to that mountain or river setting, clear you a room in advance and lock yourself in it! Make sure you can be alone and quiet. In other words, get the family out of there!
2
Lighting can help with the overall environment of your desired room. The soft light flickering and the light heat from candles causes your body to give in to a further state of relaxing. As you close your eyes and begin your meditation ritual try to soak into your mind the lights that dance off of your eyelids. This can help hypnotize you and open your mind to the state you are trying to reach.
3
Playing off of candles is sound. The right sounds can open your mind and relax your body. Try and find soothing chants or relaxing nature sounds. Anything chanting can help to hypnotize your body and nature sounds can help to send your mind further away from yourself helping you to reach a higher plateau.
4
To cap off this meditation journey to Zen, aromas can further your hypnotic state. Test the smells of certain incense or room oils to see which one instantly untenses and relaxes your muscles upon smell. That will be the perfect aroma for you and your special one-on-one time with you and your mind.

PS : This is so nice, i will try this soon :)

Its time.

2010-12-07T23:32:00.001+05:30

Its time…

Its time, I have fallen in love, with myself. Its time I am craving for that reassurance. Its time I want to say that I am beautiful. Its time, yes that I am indeed something, someone…

I knew I would see this coming, who else but me I had predicted this, how can I be unaware then, I did feign the ignorance, I was such a fool to actually do this. I wished for survival, I fought, I gave up, I stood again. I cried…I cried some more.

I want to shout, beg, just be able to say that I want to be heard. To be told…

I want…

After all …its time.

Swear words.

2010-12-06T17:31:00.008+05:30

I am bored like no body's business, incessant tiring journeys from home to office and then back home. those painful segregated gang of women, some singing or (wait) groaning chants or some bhajan and some almost on a look out for a fight to break open so that they can give relief to their itching tongue and worse invoke fist fights, hair pulling, pushing hard...so hard that you might puke your liver out from your mouth. Don't believe me, come figure!

Not to defy those swear words. i have learnt that like everything else these expletives too mature with time or rather get promoted or how these vintage wine does. Earlier it would be restricted till kutti, kamini and saali now our modern women have progressed to mouthing randi, bhadwi and likes (yes i am not exaggerating at all, sorry if you guys gasped)

However much i try to mouth these swear words the max i could go is...fuck man or holy crap sometimes shit. I have yet so far managed to just keep me educated till first level, no intentions on getting graduated either.

Then this lady who was an old woman easily in her late 50 ties somehow squeezed herself in from no where and nicely planted her ass near my legs by taking support yes of my legs only. She (i am assuming) thought that those nice fluffy rugs are some kind of cloth bag or something where in she can settle her big ass and get a comfortable seating. I was in my best behavior so far but with her fidgeting getting increased with every passing station, i started to lose my cool alongside as well.

My bottled up anger was now giving me acid burps as i just could not take it anymore, it went beyond control when i had to finally get off as my destination had come, this lady is refusing to get up from my feet or worse had fallen asleep. Yes, i kid you not this frigging woman is nicely snoring her way too glory while i am in a panic attack to get past this and get off onto my station. I pushed her hard and almost sprinted out. Phew! but yeah i still didn't mouth any swearwords apart from old hag(if this counts).

And then somehow the brain radar indicates the zone also for me, like for example the moment i enter my house. I just cant swear, no matter how much ever mad or furious i would be.

In my family i have not seen many swearing a lot, we are no-doubt a bunch of angry fellas but we just about manage to yell and scream worse we shut ourselves up. So that works best.

PS : This post means nothing, so don't read to find any message or story in it.

First Date Continues…

2010-12-05T19:29:00.005+05:30

OK, so friends on popular demands, I am here again to continue telling the embarrassing slash amusing slash adorable story of my first love.

So, when I very stubbornly disrupted that romantic conversation we were having the other night, I almost felt like I was in some trance therefore very casually forgetting all the evidence about me doing that call and talk gibberish and then do what…forget! (Yes it was that easy)

I was blank to my best, I didn't study anything and worse I didn't even feel any remorse about it, me getting flunk was still out of question since I have a kind of pact with myself very matter-of-fact that even if all hell break loose I would never fail any exam in my life. (I am a born champion at least in going one-on-one with crisis situation)

I had some confidence then…it used to scare me at times. Literally...and it gives me nightmares now, as how big a chicken i have become.

So, coming back to this, i somehow gather all my strength, chant a few words(trying to impress some gods with last minute highly impartial, very lucrative bribe)

I did manage to write something in that paper/exam.

Came home...now started getting worried again not for the exam but the phone call i made. I had some vague memory of some words ringing in my head. I was trying to connect the dots.

Messaged him, i want to meet you.

PS : To be continued...

Unknown number.

2010-12-04T22:28:00.003+05:30

She was home.

Ruffled, she was packing her belongings to go somewhere, where, I doubt she had even thought over it. She could see these coming; these mystified evenings, coffee turned ice cold because she waited, endlessly. Regularly.

Slightest of sound would bring terror to her nerves, shaking her up. Eerie was the feel about this mist which had coagulated around. Wind hasn’t stopped blowing since then, making it impossible for any possible chance of going out or anybody visiting.

Then, the bell rang…

Hello…

I want to come meet you, now.

Who is this? She hesitated.

Don’t you make out from my voice? Have you been jerking off behind me, what do you think…I don’t know? I know everything you do or even think you b****.

She grew tensed under her breath which got heavy.

What rubbish? Who are you? And what are you talking about?

Let me come…will tell who I am. You w****

She disconnected the phone by banging the receiver. She was shivering.

Tringg tringg

She didn’t pick it up.

Door bell rang…

She froze.

A stone broke open the hall window.

She ran into her bedroom, from there to the study room. Panting, sweat pouring out and how! She struggled to keep Her breath low. She almost got wet.

She saw his feet…marching…slowly...towards her.

Then…

Nikhil….Nikhil….switch off the TV baby, go unpack your bags and off you go to bed.

TV reporter…mystery murder kills another girl who answered an unknown number.

Nikhil…washing off the dirt from his legs, checks his phone and dials 8873……

HELLO…

I want to come meet you now…

Excuse me? Do I know you?

…

I...

2010-12-03T13:39:00.003+05:30

I wake up. Brush me teeth. Bathe myself, dress up...off to work.

Run...catch a rickshaw, run again...catch a train...run, leap, climb...catch another train...get off run again...catch a rickshaw.

Run again!

Press, press hard...left halts, sprint inside.

Collapse!

.........Ambulance arrives.......

Died of congestion in lungs and asthma stroke.

The End

Come with me...

2010-11-27T11:10:00.004+05:30

Serene and playful

thoughts came gushing from outside

I could hold them near

Yet when tried could hardly touch or feel

Views were obliterated

Visions dilapidated

Still I knew i had arrived

I saw those signals somewhere far

Feelings had no longer an effect on me

what i felt was like being in sistine silence

That silvery touch lingered on me for long

I had gulped that feeling wanting to hold

Come, walk with me

Let us have a closure

For us,

To be able to see the new beginning...

First Date!

2010-11-25T17:35:00.004+05:30

OK ok hang on ...this is not some sad story again.(Grr what have i become...some cry baby)

Big Big Blunder is what this day brought to me, and now whenever i even dare think of it i want to duck my head and just start counting so that i can forget that dreadful embarrassing day.

Here it is...

Him and me[OK there are more him who came later, but technically he was my first love :)...am i blushing duh!!! such a girl, girls can be]

My final year paper's were going on, and obviously i haven't studied anything but what was not very obvious was that i was getting tensed this time. No i never got tensed with respect to any kind of exam in my life, was a born star you see.

I was tensed because i decided to confess this to him, yes yes that i am in love and blah blah blah...i can be real filmy at times.

Much to my dismay, i was secretly praying that he must not pick that damn phone. But

TRing tring!

Hello?

Err! Hey...

Who is this?

This is me (idiot, stupid, moron who is ME, my mother in law) as in this is rashmi.

Pause.....pause continues....am i hearing my heart beat almost kicking my ribs :|

Haan, bolo... Shouldn't you be sleeping now? Its kind of late???

No where is sleep, where is my sanity gone, i am a night watchwoman...

No, i couldn't sleep, well i had to talk to you? ...........About something....Deep breathing, 1 2 3 4 ...

Oh ok! ya say? ok your exams are going right? Final ones??

Yes. Anything else you want to confirm like the sen-sex or may be the suicide rates?

Hahahaha....no no wow you're funny... i am sorry, wont interrupt now. Say.

shit ok.....1 2 3 4 ......i.....i .....i want to say that....can we meet after my exams get over and ....and if you're free...like if you don't have your exams... Oscar winning line, after all that anticipation.

YOU MORON DUMB-HEADED NEWS READER

can you not say one thing, otherwise a tigress....where are your words, got them chewed.

WELL! no my exams are still late, as in a month to go....so.

OK!

I think i should study something.

Beep beep...

PS: To be continued...

Weird isn't it!

2010-11-24T13:23:00.003+05:30

OK! how much ever i hate myself and my all loneliness and aloofness crap somewhere deep down in a tiny little core of my heart i really like myself a lot. Just that i am like that torn-apart lover who shrugs off when not given any proper or affirmative response from the source turns a blind eye to everything that happens later.

I have not understood how it functions though, how can i both like and hate myself at the same time. I want to break free from me but when asked who would that be who i want to become, my prompt reply has always been Me who else!

Its been twenty four years of my life i have been living with myself, trust me it was some ride! Anybody wanting to write a book, i am all for providing all the masala and can give in writing that it is going to become the best seller (I am not exaggerating at all)

Events that have happened, or shaped my life including me can really count for a commercial success for that particular year at least.

So profits are only, that is expected.

PS: I think i am a story in myself, no i am not a narcissist.

Self-questioning again!

2010-11-23T18:43:00.004+05:30

Again one of those days...sheer nothingness is what i am feeling, wanting to have a closure from all corners not that anything is still open.

The wounds sometime get opened up as if some pore just opened from nowhere, some faded jaded memories came floating on the surface...could be because i have had sleepless nights so brain is tired therefore refuses to think or sew something new therefore digs in the old stock and brings back whatever can be grabbed easily also because that is what is in ample.

I want to break free from everything, relations, people........Myself! Most importantly my conscience, i am tired living being me.

Any answers!

I know none...because i am not wanting to hear any!

That accident...

2010-11-04T17:16:00.002+05:30

As I opened the main door of my house and he spoke to me after really long; I had almost forgotten his face which has now turned expressionless of whatever little it had initially. He looked like he was very well in his late twenties. I was more pleased than surprised to see him standing at my door probably waiting for my mom to come and greet him. Which obviously means he has not recognized me by any chance? Nor did me…

I offered him to come inside and have a seat while I went inside to get a cup of tea for him. To which he nicely, very calmly obliged. He just gave me a look which indicated I should call my mother soon. I did.

Mom came, in between her usual banter with her sister over the phone she was in as she was in the middle of her packing, she is going to our native place to be a part of two weddings one her sister’s daughter and other her brother’s daughter. As soon as she came out and saw this person, clothes not very clean which can be seen from the grease paint which was still on his sleeve although he tried hiding that from his arm but later left it like that. Which only showed he didn’t care?

I came with a glass of water in a tray in my hand and signaled towards him, and though I was there throughout since the time he knocked on the door but he looked at me for the very first time. His eyes were dripping with innocence and nothingness. He held that glass drank two sips from it and again looked at me signaling without any word “thank you”.

I couldn’t help but notice his nonchalance and his posture the way he sat the way he moved and the way he avoided every instance which might require him to say even a word. He was too well versed with the articulation of sign language. He was way too reserved for even to give away any kind of clue, as to what is going on in his mind.

After mom came with the receipt which she was furtively reading looked as if she couldn’t find what she is vigorously searching for. It was that curious search in her eyes actually made me realize that this is something important an event which is about to unfold here. She then reached her hand towards him and handed over the receipt still gazing at his reaction which will now start to form on his still face. But to mom’s surprise and my disappointment there came absolute no reaction, as if everything was fine from every end. He simply folded that piece of paper yes it looked like a piece given the ruffled way he folded it as oppose to my mother’s very curious and careful way when she brought it.

He stood up and looked at my mom, and then I wasn’t at all expecting this he looked at me, stayed his eyes on me then turned and went.

I was as baffled and perplexed as mom was or may be more, because I had two reasons to get viz: why did he look at me the way he did and why he didn’t react when mom expected him to, which was very obvious from her face that she was. He left both of us with so many open ended questions that made me all the more curious. I asked ma, who was he? And why he behaved the way he did…I wanted to know everything word by word in the shortest span possible. By now he had gotten me engrossed in his demeanor and I left my thinking birds to fly high in the universe.

After lot of make believe that I am only interested in his weird behavior did ma revealed the information about his purpose of coming to our house. He had hit ma’s car while she was out on that road with his bike and had come to take the bill of whatever damage was done, also he fixed whatever little he could by himself. I was not only impressed with this manner of his of taking responsibility of his doing, but also he never once tried to reason out whatsoever.

Ma later told me that even though the whole episode was not entirely his fault but it happened as they both lost their control while trying to save a kid who happened to cross the road from nowhere.

All this paved way for one thing for sure, what exactly is my today’s dream going to look like…

Dhanteras!

2010-11-03T15:07:00.003+05:30

Now everything seems rationale to me! why is Dhanteras actually been celebrated and considered to be very auspicious an occasion in our Indian Culture. This day is worshiped so as it brings prosperity in terms of Laxmi(Money) Goddess in our homes.

Today in my office two very sus(aus)picious Lokhandwala modern women were discussing how lucky they are as they were born on this day and thus treated or almost worshiped by their family because obviously the family very rightfully proclaims that all the money which has come blessed them is because of their (PAWAM) foot.

No wonder in this country where having a male child serves all the right purposes and puts everything into very carefully made columns if you have a Laxmi stepping her feet in your house it sure is one proud moment.

That leaves me pondering this is what we all are meant for and being recognized by, how lucky or beneficial we are or can be for everyone.

We are! holds not such a big deal.

PS: I am fine, just some discussion left no choice to me but be very introspective of my identity as a woman.

Talks

2010-11-02T15:20:00.001+05:30

He: Hi…how are you?

She: Fine.

He: I want to just talk for sometime…is that okay?

She: I have already picked it up.

He: (Smile) Hmm you’re still the same, answering only that much which is needed.

She: (Very categorically) YES

He: You won’t say anything?

She: I am answering you.

He: you don’t have anything to question?

She: No

He: QUITE

She: you don’t have any answers to my questions… hence any point asking them anyway?

He: Hmm

She: I think we are done talking, bye.

Random Mutterings!

2010-10-31T15:39:00.003+05:30

OK this post is as random as it can get! Because i have nothing on my mind to share particularly, just read few posts from fellow bloggers here and there and decided to say hi to my dear blog.

I am doing okay these days, no nothing happened or at least there is nothing i am expecting to happen even in near future. Have just become very non-talkative a person(for those who think i don't talk anyway ever, let me tell you i used to be the one which my family proudly always boasted about as "the official yadav clan's entertainer)

I wonder now they even notice that i am no longer myself. No complains.

Brother has been doing good he is getting hitched this year end and i am happy for him. But i wish i could be more animated and tell him so.

Job is okay, i know nothing new but considering i am doing something very exciting where in people expect me to be over the moon with thousand watts energy. I am sadly disappointing them all.

One very dear friend told me i need a boyfriend in my life :|

That is all for now.

Oh btw Diwali is coming and i am excited, these festivals bring lot of positivity in me.

Love you all.

Phoren Land Craze!

2010-10-22T18:12:00.004+05:30

OK! For starters we are a nation obsessed with anything remotely foreign or have any connection which determines that our XYZ cousin’s neighbor’s aunt’s son in law lives in San Jose. And that in itself becomes an USP of yours, carrying which will earn you respect at least so much so that you can pass on this life for sure with your giraffe neck held high!

Now I will tell you the story…

I am assuming that the friend who went through all of this had a whale of a time and so did I…while she narrated the incidence to me.

(Here is the conversation happened between two people I know, I’ll refer them as Friend 1 and She and when she was telling me so I remained myself (pun intended)

Friend1: She says brand management is not a part of advertising it’s something else GOD she feels she is doing something else K

Myself: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha

Friend 1: And now she says advertising is a part of brand management …..So I asked her the same thing Na K

Myself: She is in (country’s name) doing something she thinks is not what it is about….I wonder whether she in the lease bit knows what she is exactly doing J

Friend 1: L

Myself: Why have you asked her in first place since when have you started thinking this woman has any grey matter… loll poor you.

Friend 1: Oh! C’mon I thought she is doing something great there.

Myself: REALLY NOW! She only wanted to get away from the mundane life and get a degree which has something foreign written on it

Friend 1: No she said she wanted to go for money and not passion

Myself: Of course why else people go abroad especially Indians they have enough challenge and intelligence to get a practice in our own nation, they need money that too easy money.

Friend 1: Another joke! Listen… I asked her what the name of the Institution is. Ok I just asked that as I thought I might have heard of it

She says, “think before making decisions, just because I joined you don’t have to do the same, it’s different for different people"

I said I am no ways coming to (country’s name) and then she says she has done everything now she only wants to marry.

Myself: loll hahahahahahahahahahahaha I told you she'll marry that dude who is English challenged reporter working with (I won’t take the name) who has some four kothis who spend their evenings drinking and racing horses.

Friend 1: hahaha she is on drugs I guess K

Myself: ha-ha happy realization!

Changing Friendship!

2010-10-21T11:18:00.004+05:30

I never will talk to you ever again, cried arti, while she had a confrontation with her parents who wanted to shift her to the new school as her dad had a transfer of job.

“You’ll get new clothes, a new uniform also this school has many many extra curricular activities so that will help for over all development of one’s personality. You also will have one separate music class which you always wanted to learn.” explained her dad.

“But what will happen to my friends, where will I find such good best friends. They can’t be renewed …I am not going to change my school come what may, “retorted arti while at her adamant best.

They had to shift nonetheless, so they did shift to their new house. Arti had no choice but to shift along with her parents but she was not the same arti she once was before this new shift happened in her life. She had become very curt and disinterested.

She would no longer meet people with that same warmth she once did, she would snip off at the slightest change in routine, as once the cook did not make her favorite dish she wanted to eat and she threw those plates off in the air and refused to eat and walked off feeling absolutely okay for her behavior therefore not showing any amount of regret forget apologizing.

She would now concentrate only and only on her, she had basically become completely self centered hating everyone except her own self.

Until one day,

She had a biology practical partner whom she had to share and complete her assignment of spotting the specimens of onion root. Her name was supriya.

Arti not only refused to finish her assignment but also made a wrong slide so that both of them get a scolding from the teacher. But after the practical got over and even when the teacher gave them punishment to write that particular assignment for 5 times. Arti thought now supriya would be real angry and they would have a war of word, but to her surprise supriya did not react anything at all over the whole incident.

Instead she calmly took her bag and other belongings and left that bio lab quietly. Arti could not understand supriya’s behavior as her reaction completely baffled her. She went and stopped supriya while on stairs and asked her what is wrong with her. Didn’t she feel that getting poor marks and also the punishment were bad remarks and they added to the shame.

To which supriya replied that it was a team effort, she is of course disheartened that they didn’t do well due to whatever reasons but she is also sure that next time she can come more prepared to handle the situation well. And she is also aware that the reason why you(arti) behave what you behave could be something very strong otherwise no one is a bad person so ruin their own projects just to satisfy their self ego. Hence she is very assured that one day arti would realize her responsibilities and pursue her dreams to its optimum ability and to the best way she can.

Arti was not only suffering from self guilt by now but also she somewhere felt that she can have such a good friend in supriya, and all this while the anger she felt because she was missing her friends can be overcome. She was very touched by supriya’s humbleness.

This incident changed arti’s belief and made her an open hearted person to accept what life has to offer and still be happy about its every new chapter.

PS: I am experimenting in telling stories in the simplest way possible.

Road traveled everyday!

2010-10-19T14:59:00.005+05:30

I travel like far, from real far place every day both to and fro to office, it starts from home to office and then from office to home again. And also I undergo a variety of travel like first on my two legs I almost run a marathon everyday to sprint inside the auto rickshaw then from there to train and then climb a bridge wherein people crawl and walk almost doing a favor on people who walk beside them to catch another train. Of which I have to prepare myself, buck up, and pull my socks up like I am going for a war. Then go again sprint inside the train and hold my breath till Bandra station comes because the whole crowd gets off there (don’t know why they don’t board a Bandra train instead…assholes)

After that station and resisting so many halts which follow with kicks and abuses and prayers…I reach Andheri my final destination. Its screeches a halt registering its victory of surviving yet another journey (painful journey)

No my ordeal has not ended yet, I then again set off to run to catch the auto rickshaws to reach office. After much yelling and begging I manage to catch a rickshaw and land in there for good forty minutes to again survive all the potholes which bounce me off sometimes so much so that I hit the auto rickshaws hood and back to seat and sometimes the uniformity of potholes is such that both my lungs and my liver hit each other several times during the auto journey and I realize that my vertebras are in a painful posture and they would soon give me a backfire and then I somehow in the middle of all this did reach office.

Same happens after twelve hours when I leave office for home.

Who says life in Bombay is fancy. Having been lived here all my life so far, I have seen this city’s transformation. What amazes me still is the fact that in spite of all the hustle bustle people still are warm and very accepting and helpful in comparison to other cities.

Drawing...imaginations!

2010-10-07T18:54:00.001+05:30

I thought if I could share my pencil box with him he could do really well and win that competition may be.

I saw him doodling whilst sitting at the back bench when Patel sir taught us Geography, he would very diligently draw maps of those places sir would mention the names of….draw caricatures of those war situations when sir would teach us about world wars during history lessons.

He had something about imaginations; he would imagine things up, situations and people.

I used always observe him; from my seat as to what he is up to. But when he noticed someone seeing him or almost caught him red-handed from his reverie he would duck his head and pretend to hide.

I just wanted to help him.

Until I realized I think it was too late…

A gift.

2010-08-02T16:28:00.002+05:30

I got a nice pleasant surprise today.

Since I have a huge circle of friends, and no by this I don’t mean just the Hi- bye ones. They may be my college friends or my office colleagues or my blog friends or face book friends or simply out of the blue online friends who stumbled across by any means (thanks to the ever growing social networking or plain Jane yahoo)

Okay so after giving you a fair idea about my friend circle. I realized I missed out on the very reason I am writing this post. It is to embark the importance of this ever and over used word “friendship “and the feeling it holds. I am now going to narrate an incidence which happened with me very recently.

I was chatting with one such friend of mine, not knowing where exactly I met him but that does not matter. What matters is that he is now a friend, okay so I was chatting with him just idly and he asked me what am I doing since I don’t come online that often these days. To which I replied saying that I am listening or more and more music and reading books, so hooked on to listening this guy’s music.

By the way he is known as “KARUNESH”.

One confession here people, I am absolutely and completely in love with this guy, his music transcends me to another world altogether.

So back to present I told my friend, and that I was downloading his music from net. To which he asked if I want him to get me a complete collection some 15 audio tracks of his couriered to me.

I was in a fun and a very happy mood thus I said yes why not, if you can of course. I am not really a gift person I mean they do hold a lot of emotional importance for me but I don’t really jump till I touch the ceiling if I do or don’t get any. But even if someone asks me what gift shall I want.

The prompt reply is BOOKS and MUSIC any day…and if you have some good taste in movies then that too.

Problem is I share a very odd taste in movies thus it’s very rare that the kind of movies I like is like-able by most.

So today I was having my lunch and there by my door bell rings, and when I opened it to see who it was, it was a courier from DTDC a music audio CD.

WOW I love this.

Thanks Arun.

Happy Monsoons.

2010-08-01T10:59:00.003+05:30

Getting wet in the rains has been one of my favorite rituals I have been following since childhood. It is just liberating a feeling, I feel rejuvenated not to say completely refreshed like how I keep doing that to my laptop after every click.

Another very significant yet common thing I share with rains is that it is my birth season as well; I was born on July 15. So I always call myself a monsoon baby. Everything related with rains are symbolic to me, I am romantic, dreamer, love, laughter and cherish newness in my life also in the surroundings around me.

Whenever I feel sad or low, I simply go out and allow my body to get drenched by the droplets nature is showering on me. It works magical.

Enjoy this weather and enjoy everything else related to it.

Happy Monsoons everyone...

Trip from Jaipur to Delhi then back to Jaipur then Bombay.

2010-07-29T19:31:00.001+05:30

I was away from home all over again, from those familiar faces; although I had just returned from a month long trip from USA it held even more importance to me. More so because this trip again happened by chance without any prior planning or any such work needed to be done. I have got used to travelling alone, all by myself, be it by air, by rail, by road, or by car. I guess now what is remained is a complete open impromptu bus or truck rides by means of hitchhiking. I am sure that even this will follow soon.

Also to make things worse, if looked from the monetary point of view I have been spending quite a lot. A lot more than I am suppose to, again that is uncalled for, could be because I am somewhere misled and content that the money part is nicely been taken care of by my elder brother. As he keeps mentioning this to us as well...I don't know whether to thank him for being what he is, as he is or feel sorry for myself for not being what I should be and must be by now.

All I can understand from my behavior is that I am ambitious yet very reckless a person who does what she wishes to, thereby thinking ten other things but in the end being adamant as to she knows what she wants and she'll get it so what the hell!

I am an aspiring filmmaker, a writer, a self confessed crazy woman, who is mad enough to have a mind of her own, follows her heart, dreams big and wishes to be able to fulfill those dreams one day. I love to visualize or may be fantasize and dream of making myself a successful filmmaker who produces the kind of work she feels very strongly for. Also I want to portray a strong example of thoughts well intended towards making a change worth being lived for.

Lot of my well wishers have advised me that I am indeed an intelligent mind only need to channelize my energies and thoughts in a direction which will lead me to a new horizon. All I need to have is patience.

Therefore, here I am back in Bombay (Mumbai now) to be patiently waiting for a new chapter to begin, hopefully this time it will be worth the wait.

Amen!

Nostalgia resurfaced…

2010-07-28T10:43:00.001+05:30

I saw those pictures on Face book, the most surfed website for today’s generation. We have now evolved as humans, we believe more in dropping messages than calling up and talking live over phone. We have now grown more used to virtual social networking so much that, until we realize we have not met our people, our friends and all of those we care about since a decade, it becomes too late.

When I saw them, I was hit by a sudden jolt and barrage of emotions, some memories hidden behind a thick veil almost in an urgency resurfaced like a bolt of lightning. Two of my good friends then in college during my graduation years have gotten married to each other. No there isn’t anything very surprising or shocking about the whole event if only that the reason for their very union had me playing a very prominent and instrumental role and then followed their several break-ups. But then such is human life and their mysteries.

I then became aware of all those happenings which had taken place then and what role they played in making me a person I am today. I have grown way too much as a person emotionally than I ever suspected I would be. Lot of relations had gone sour, innumerable misunderstandings, fights for trivial topics. It made me understand the fickleness of any relation, the deep rooted bond somewhere we claim that it exists nonetheless the superficial layers actually gives us a good kick or their real existence if at all they do.

Everything is here for a time period. The only truth remains is impermanence. Nothing is what you can hold on to and nothing remains as it is as you knew them first. I am somewhere happy for them, but I want to now know why I was been made a victim or a villain.

But, everything said and done, I wish them both a very happy married life together.

Like I always say, let peace prevail and happiness remains.

Much love,

To myself and to everyone :)

A musical journey...

2010-07-16T16:21:00.003+05:30

I ran....i was running all this while, from whom, i dont know all i knew was that i was running, may be from myself or may be my life or my dreams. Yes dreams, this very word is what i am, i breathe, live and survive only to and through my dreams. these dreams which keep me alive, which help me fly, which give wings to my arms....someone told me flying is freedom...heaven actually.

Thus I want to try flying and probably just fly away...from this chaos, from this emptiness.

Flying is synonym to freedom, as some jerk who said something or may be have quoted somewhere in some classic...and got it published but never ever did he told us that its a piece of fiction and resemblance to anything living or dead would just be a coincidence. He didn't even left any post script which would warn us if it is not enough to just inform that in this process or ordeal called life therefore anything is possible anytime.

I stopped here, i was panting almost out of breath. I wish if i could just choke my throat or may be slit it through and through, thus invariably not leaving even an iota of possibility which would then be left to even bother thinking that i may be able to see the rays of sun tomorrow, the dawn would finally surpass and i will be able to feel the eternal bliss.

And then that day...

He had just landed on lucknow airport, he came out stretched his hands and legs as 23 hours of travel really tires you up....and one just gets exhausted, after that he realised he had reached his homeland thus he bowed in front of the statue and touched the feet, after that he bowed furthermore and wiped his fingers to the mother earth then touched those to his heart, this reminded to him of his childhood, as to how he would do this religiously everyday when ma would make him do the arti and also when they would visit any temple.

He was a very religious guy...very very opious as they were a family of orthodox, god fearing clan of nine people. Out of which ma was the one most religious of all but being the persistent lady she was she made sure everyone else in the family followed these norms.

I met him for the first time when i was 3 and he was 5 year old during one such family get together, and then i kept bumping into him every often on various occassions viz: as once there was a satyanarayan puja organised by tiwari uncle's family and the whole locality was sent the invitation thus being invited for the puja followed by the dinner as they had recently shifted to this house. So this would be a formal meet with the neighbours, the who's who of the society and thus the women will formally get a license to discuss the price tag's of their silk's and chiffon's. I was standing just behind him when the arti was being done and my eyes were transfixed on him for no concrete reasons as such just that i had this innate desire to listen him sing, or was that called chanting the sholkes, as i was too small that time to even understand what they would be called so all i could make out was that i got engrossed in his voice, it had a very husky (or may be hoarse)...tinge to it, and the pitch was neither too loud nor very short. It was just about perfect.

He would do the arti whole heartedly then give everyone prasad alongwith mounting vermillon tilak on their foreheads, thus ending this ritual with grandour and ethnic feel as everything simply looked serene. That was the first time i felt his touch on me, when he grew his hands towards me to give me prasad. All i could mutter that time was a plain thank you with a head tilt, as this is the usual jesture indians do when they have to appear thankful yet they dont really want to look all spiritual and religious.

After i left that place and went home, not only did i took prasad with me but also a thought, a remembrance which is now going to give me sleepless nights for i dont know how many days starting from today...

One apple...

2010-04-20T01:38:00.003+05:30

One apple was all he ever wanted...

All he ever asked for was one apple, he loved it more than his toys, more than his blue striped shirt, more than his motorboat in fact he loved it more than anything, except his friend Juno. Because it was for Juno that he got the habit of eating apples, they would cut in all different shapes and sizes sometimes triangle, rectangular and at times just haphazardly but this activity was religiously done every evening when he and Juno would go out to play.

I still remember...everything.

After eating our apple together, we would then go running deep inside those thick trees laden with hard rustic branches and then would pick a stick, a broken branch of some tree and make drawings on the ground. I often used to ask him to draw pictures of mountains, houses and animals as his was so convincing that it made all the pictures almost real if we could only instill life in those lifeless pictures.

Juno, was the son of Haider kaka, who worked in the nearby steel factory. His mother had passed away while giving birth to him, she also had delivered previously but none of the children could survive. And this time when the kid made it, unfortunately she couldn't. This had made Juno's dad a very irate man, as he would just snip over on the drop of a hat, he would just not tolerate anything Juno would do wrong or even unknowingly.

They were not very well off as Haider kaka was uneducated thus was working as a helper in the factory, thus not making enough money. They managed just the bare minimum in their house and were living the daily life with same old routine from the past 9 years, since the time Juno was born.

I came home running the other day from school, as we got free early than the regular time school would leave us as some teacher had passed away. After removing my shoes, as i threw my bags and off i ran off straight towards Juno's house hands tightly gripping that apple which i picked up from the kitchen on the way.

Hey....i screamed, Juno....are you there? I was searching him frantically everywhere.

Hey Poltu when did you came? And you are early today you didn't go to school today or what? He was very particular about my school activities, as he himself was very keen to study but because of his father's low income and their condition he could not.

"No in my school one old teacher passed away thus they left us early today," i informed him about the reason for my early departure from school.

"Did you got it," he asked immediately.

"Yes! of course i have, you know i never forget to bring it, ever," i emphasized more on the last word, as i felt proud of my own self, somewhere for being able to stick to our promise as friends. I would bring one apple everyday and he would then draw pictures and teach me drawing. I always knew that he was gifted because if it was not that then how would he be so perfect with all those geometrical shapes and lines. Apparently he didn't knew may be the real names or what those figures were but he would repeat and keep repeating until the time he thought that they are symmetrical and also looked perfect without any flaw.

One more thing about him which i could never miss out or forget about was his persistence. He kept insisting to me to tell him each and every word i learnt in school today even though he could make no head or tail about it but he would not let me go until i have told him everything. And then when i would finish he wanted an explanation about the previous days information i shared with him, as he had learnt about it and made a note of thus saving the queries for the late afternoon as when i would come he will ask those from me.

This was the usual routine of our daily life, the life which we two best friends had in fact he was my only friend and i was his. Life which was similar yet very different when looked from a different angle. Probably the angle would form when someone else looked at them because for both of us life was simple which only had one colour. Our colour, which had us as two prominent beings.

The very reason i and Juno had clicked and struck together was that we both were curious, curious about everything life has to offer. I was as to what figures and shapes would originate from his sticks and he would be as to what new thing i am going to tell him which new word, which new story. We were hungry for information for knowledge.

I miss you Juno, i cannot forgive myself for that day, as i was out in school and those people has come who burnt down your house. Reason nobody knows or may be that is what everyone is saying. I tried confronting with my dad, but he too shrugged me off.

I know what must have happened. It was the after effects of that fight which had broke out in the factory the other day as some Hindu fanatics were mad at your dad as the owner was very impressed with his work and he gave Haider kaka a promotion which would then mean Juno can come school with me.

I know why this happened, what had happened. Everyone thought that you were stealing their rights but i know the truth, i know that all you ever wanted was one apple.

PS : This story is just the figment of my imagination, any resemblance with anything anybody is purely coincidental.

My wedding night...

2010-04-15T12:33:00.005+05:30

As i entered into the room, all i could see was the dim light that was coming from the lamp which was kept in the far end of the room. Almost as if the rays are taking a long journey thus finally reaching towards me, to my end. I am then silently standing here watching the dust, these small tiny particles hundreds of them buzzing through the stream as if fidgeting and then breaking free. A slow musical number was playing all through this while.

I stood there watching it, may be i was lost in my dream which was distant, as it went back to my childhood, my native place. Mud houses, lamps were the only means of light which was put to use that can cut in and come through the darkness. Suddenly i was woken up by this jerk a thud sound, as if someone had kicked open the door of my room.

I was still standing there but the only difference being that now i was in present, more anxious than previous, more nervous than ever, more agile than previous.

"Do you need something," he asked.

No, i replied very slowly.

"Are you not hungry? wouldn't you be eating something, you haven't since morning," said he. Then he continued saying, "I'll bring something for you."

Before i could say anything he left.

After sometime he came with two plates in his hand.

I came forward to reach his hand so that i could take those plates from his hands as he was trying to close the door but couldn't since both his hands were busy. I reached close and took those plates off his hands, and i moved backwards. I saw him looking at me for a short while and then when he noticed that i saw him seeing me he removed his gaze from me and closed the door.

We ate our first meal of the day together. We ate slowly more because we were very tired and gradually were slipping into slumber, and now "mora saiyaan mose bole na"...was the song which was playing in the background.

We wedded each other today.

PS : It is a pure work of fiction, so go easy folks :)

Friendship

2010-04-15T01:50:00.002+05:30

Friendship...

I met her through one friend, a friend whom even i had not met till date, as he was introduced to me by another friend...that is life...as they say a circle. You come back strolling and stumbling on the point where you started from.

So while i met her even though on net, i could feel the vibes the connection as it is primarily called. I had to prick myself hard to make sure if this is real because whatever little we spoke we used to hit it bang on together like we were making some real life plans who were just ready to fly once left open in the horizon. Also she made me feel very "me" like...she made me again get in touch with my wild wacky side which i had lost for some time somehow.

We crack jokes, we laugh hysterically, we cry together, we hug each other even though its virtual but what we are sure of is the feelings getting across even though it is through this screen. I feel excited and energetic when i am with her, i feel like a kid even more than i am when with her. Thus we two kids have gotten comfortable with each other so much so that we simply cannot get enough of our time. We always fall short of time to talk, as there are so many things left to share, to say...

Now its an addiction, as if the day won't get completed if we haven't spoken for some time sharing things, talking about anything and everything under the sun. We have found a soft corner within each other, a sisterhood, a deep bond of love. So it feels great and very satisfying indeed to have found her, i am thankful to these two people who made this possible.

Made us me and her meet...

Love you bachha...

7 more days...

2010-04-13T05:35:00.006+05:30

Why you want to go? What are you going to do even there and most of it why now, what will possibly change in one more month...

These are brother's words which he often asks me, as i preponed my tickets thus making this trip almost a month less than what it was planned before. Nothing specific as such just that i think i am done with vacationing, its been too long a wait for me which i cannot now deal with to get on with my life. I want movement, a motion in any direction but a motion indeed.

Yes, the sad part is that this wisdom dawned on me very forcefully and very suddenly once i came here. So in a way i feel bad for brother but guess he'll understand my point. I don't know whether there is any point to make at all. All i know is i want to do something now, get a meaning, get going...somewhere, anywhere i don't really know but i want to.

Hope this time my visions will direct me to take a step forward and and I'll be out from these walls i haven't crossed since quite some time now...almost it feels like ages.

I had a great time here in Unites States of America, saw beautiful places gorged on yum food. Met some very good people, mostly all brother's friends in short a journey well lived. Learnt a lot about bro, about his life in general which i was not aware as we have been living separately for over 5 years now.

Understood myself, so a journey within was also going on simultaneously.

I am undergoing through a lot of mixed emotions, i am not able to point out exactly as to who says what, and what i should then reply.

I am simply living life, no questions asked, no expected answers. I will be back in India in 7 more days, so the journey is its last and final leg.

I think i can say i am happy. Now its time for me to come home...

The boy in the striped pyjamas

2010-04-10T10:55:00.008+05:30

Saw this movie just now and came here to write. Actually i couldn't stop myself from writing about the upsurge of feelings i was going through whilst sitting through this movie from starting till the very end. It was gripping.

It started with a very normal story line about a family consisting of four people viz father mother daughter and son. Father is an army commandant who has been promoted to serve for the country and is a extreme Nazism. And then the family has to shift from Berlin to Poland as he had been promoted and asked to move for his duty to serve at the prison camp. This movie is predominantly based on the World War 2 and thus mainly depicts the holocaust of Jewish community.

It was very shocking thus painful experience to see this and one can only imagine what they had gone through when this had happened.

But at the same time the under current remains, the friendship between the two boys the officer's son Bruno and Jewish boy from the prison camp. And how they keep the friendship vows alive even at the cost of their lives.

Human cruelty is something i always detested but such level of atrocity was appalling it its very being. I am still recovering from the numbness.

I have a very offbeat taste when it comes to movies, some people say including my brother that i have become more critical analyst than just a movie watcher. May be they are right, being a film student has definitely changed the way i look at movies now.

But this isin't new for me, i used to even like such kind of movies which have very strong hard hitting social message to pass to the society. Only the technicalities were unknown the idea behind it has always been the core intention for me to like any particular movie.

I suggest it to people who like to know about history and also about human emotions and their depth.

Good one!

The journey continues...

2010-04-09T07:12:00.003+05:30

I have come to USA for a trip, a vacation with family so to say, okay to be honest i never really wanted or was excited about visiting US of all the places in the world as there are far more better and beautiful places to see rather than go to US. But after declining several offers brother made and kept insisting to come for a trip as he lives there. I finally decided to let my foot down.

Reason being that as it is i am on a self claimed vacation, while not working or studying just living each day with myself why not go see some new places so what if it is USA.

So far have liked it, initially got terribly bored because here life only begins on Friday evenings and ends on Sunday evening, rest of the week nobody even bothers to ask who is where doing what.

But now life is going super cool, although the climate is very cold and windy...but over all the weather is good. Makes one feel at ease unlike the irritating humidity Mumbai is facing these days, as being informed by my friends back home.

As i was describing about how this trip finally happened, thanks to the mood change which took place together for both of us ladies me and mom, we decided to accept brother's offer and head for US.

We landed at San Francisco airport then where he came to receive us, he came hugged me lightly don't know whats with us brother-sister we can't really demonstrate our emotions towards each other in its truest sense. Either we assume too much or we just presume to be understanding enough to not show it. Anyways he then went and hugged ma.

We then made our way to the exit then to his car and then zoomed past the San Francisco bridges to his flat here in Newark cherry street.

Firstly as i even wrote in my previous post i went to see San Francisco the golden bridge, after that followed Carmel Monterey and pebble beach. Of course google office and its beautiful campus was always a hang out point. After that followed a trip to New Jersey where my soon-to-be bhabhi lives we then went to see Niagara falls.

And i am here, and this is indeed beautiful. Nature at its best as they say...bluish green water flowing vigorously crushing and cutting through these rocks...its located in the east coast of US border...the view is spectacular but its even more beautiful when viewed from the opposite side which is Canada.

We then went to see New York, The Empire estate building, Times square and Statue of liberty...from there you can see the whole New York sky line which is again breathtakingly beautiful.

I enjoyed here a lot, seven days back to back outings thus no time for boredom to creep in.

I am back in California now, this weekend we plan to visit Las Vegas.

More from this journey will follow.... as i experience them.

Oh BTW i miss you all :)

Love

Cheers!

Personal Effects...

2010-03-30T02:59:00.005+05:30

Saw a movie today "Personal Effects" starring Kathy Bates, Ashton Kutcher and Michelle Pfeiffer.

Loved it,

Its not only about how you felt, what you did and what happened there after...its about the time you spent waiting...

Sometimes just waiting endlessly...not knowing for what.

And sometimes, for that someone, who you know is never really going to come back.

I guess i went back in time and thus it hit me right there where i am the weakest.

PS : I miss you...

Back to square one :|

2010-03-27T05:27:00.004+05:30

"Hey hi, said he," eyes beaming like a plate filled with chocolate cream cookie.

i am on a eating marathon thus everything just seems surrounded by a chocolate or a cookie these days... bahhh

Hey girl, you look....err fat, said he. Kill him i wanna kill him, why are men so mean aarrggg.

I was told by your brother that you had lost, weight? he quizzed.

"I guess he had lost his mind...haha" (jerk laughed on his own joke)

I was still gaining my posture back by this sudden traumatic blow...god i had lost 17 frigggggging kilos....not again .....nooooooooooooo not again puhhlzzz

So, you're back in ah! and yes round shape lady, how does it feels to be back in your comfort zone. Feels nice na, i told you one can never lose weight, if you do its very difficult to maintain it i am telling you again.

Ya ya ya, you monster, like how it goes men can never be sane, even if rarely they do they don't mean it, huh gggrrr grrrrrrr

I hate men

Arrrggg!

Him...

2010-03-25T11:02:00.006+05:30

He went,

Hi, how have you been? long time eh???

I was done with my packing and stuff as i was about to leave for a holiday thus was checking my last mails, and there i found this one. I wasn't sure who had sent me this, well i guess i did had a vague idea. And i could feel my heart beating faster than previous beat.

Yes, it was him, again. After about a year and half with no clue of his whereabouts at all, this mail was a sudden jolt if nothing else. I was numb for a second then i clicked on it, fingers almost refusing to move an inch.

He asked me how i was? and asked me to accept the g talk and yahoo invitation he had sent me.

Life and people, and stories related with these two.

Fascinating!!!

......

USA voyage

2010-03-15T23:43:00.009+05:30

Came here, saw, felt astonished and jolted, now i am at peace because i am feeling nothing. No, i don't have any issues with this trip or anything to do with this trip i am just overwhelmed by everything here, big wide clean roads oops freeways as they are called. Awesome weather, but sending chills right down till my spine. Great food, this is for all foodies out there, you wont miss India at all, except of course those road side stalls, nothing can beat their charm but on the whole nothing really.

So far these are the places i paid a visit to...

Google: An employee's paradise, the moment i stepped in i was stunned, by what all my eyes could see, the area was bigger than my vision could capture. The place, the food, the feeling everything just perfect. No, they didn't pay me to become their brand ambassador,(i so wish if they could, or just hire me to be one) i am in awe of this whole place. I so envy brother but at the same time i am thankful to him for bringing me here, so that i could see all of this.

Its a place one could just die for, people here work like they are so satisfied and enjoying every minute spent here, no rules, no boundaries. And if you get tired or bored of the same routine you have games to play, gym to workout, swimming pool, soccer stadium, and of course not to forget some amazing mouth watering delicacies etc etc etc.

So far this is it...will keep you all posted for all the further discoveries.

Till then

Cheers!

PS : To be continued...

Adiós for time being...

2010-03-06T17:12:00.005+05:30

Hello friends,

I am going to be away from March 9 till almost two months as I would be going out of India, yes I am going to US of A.

Its a family cum fun trip which was supposed to happen way back but due to my laziness and almost not interested attitude it never took off, but now I am all excited and so is mom and so is bro. So I guess its going to be a rocking family event along with a fabulous trip covering beautiful places inclusive of some exciting things which I plan to do like Sky diving and etc....

So here I go and live the good times.

I will miss you all and will try and post intermittently about my experience.

Please miss me and keep writing, I'll try and read definitely with much faster Internet speed wink wink ;)

Cheers!

Talks...

2010-02-19T00:50:00.004+05:30

Girl : I am going out today with someone...will call you later in the evening.

Boy : What? Where? Why? With whom?

G : That is why I am going to call in the evening to tell you all this...

B : ..............

Story nos 1

2010-02-02T13:30:00.005+05:30

First and foremost of all I've decided that now onwards I am not going to rake my brains to think about any wacky attention holding title for my posts…which anyways invariably turns out to be something on a completely different context as to what my posts is going to be about. So what the big F, now onwards they are going to be named as story numbers.

Today’s story begins…

Here in past couple of days I am coughing like a monster, yes its actually something really dreaded which is why when mom came to me today and asked me to kindly go visit a doctor before she’ll thrust a pillow in my throat as she needs to sleep.

I obviously took her advice which sounded more like a threat but nevertheless, since I am on a feel positive movement I am going to take everything in a positive way.

So there I go to see this lady doc…here the conversation flows.

Doc: Hi Rashmi, how are you?

Me: Fine, of course you silly woman I am not doing fine or else why would I come here…

Doc: Hmm, but you don’t seem to be fine to me, is everything okay.

Me: kick my ass or else I’ll kick hers, what the hell is wrong with people why can’t they talk simple things, straight forward things…Yes doctor, I am not okay and that’s the reason why I am here.

Doc: Hmm, so tell me what’s wrong? What made you come here?

Me: I have cold, cough, throat infection, thus fever and blah blah blah…

Doc: Wow! Shouldn't I be the one to tell you all this, what all things you have, considering I am the doctor and you’re the patient.

Me: Staring blankly at her…

Doc: Ok, so come here and sit let me see…after that she made me turn left to right, then made me open my eyes so much so that they would've been torn apart if harassed more by this circus woman, and made me open my mouth so much that it hurt.

When it went beyond control, I asked her…are you going to sit inside and check it, because this is the maximum limit I can open my mouth, after this even the slightest stretch is going to rip my mouth into two large flesh stack.

Doc: now it was her turn to stare blankly at me… .it’s a mouth infection thus causing blisters, I’ll give you medicines it should be fine in 3-4 days.

Me: wow didn't I tell her at the very beginning the same diagnosis she did after making me do all sorts of painful face making exercises.

PS : These paid seat doctors are pain in the neck for some of us brainy human beings.

Just living it...each day!

2010-01-31T15:08:00.002+05:30

It’s that period of my life where I am just living with myself, doing nothing at all…going about daily chores of everyday life with no procrastination or after thoughts. I don’t think about anything before or after, I guess I am just happy with my life right now, right at this very moment the way I am living. No preparations for anything, no trying desperately for approval even from myself.

Yes! I am that way a very confident girl, but I am hell critical about myself, everything about me seems wrong to me. But not anymore, I have accepted myself with the imperfections. I don’t want to ape anyone, or impress anyone, how much ever cliched it may sound I don’t even want to impress myself. It really feels great; to be just the way you want to be. No questions, no haunted dreams who just doesn't leave my side even when I am asleep.

Recently I had gone hitch-hiking to different places from Ratnagiri, its a place approximately at a four hour train journey from Bombay. Locals call it a Mini or cheap Goa. With beautiful and serene beaches, clean air to breathe, local Kolhapuri food. Had a great time there.

I can only say it feels good to feel free, from inside from deep within.

I guess I am enjoying it…

Cheers people!

Comes the Dawn

2010-01-15T11:31:00.003+05:30

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that
love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security,
and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
and you learn to build all of your roads
on today because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of
falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that
even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that
you really can endure...
That you really do have worth.

And you learn and you learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

© by Veronica A. Shoffstall

PS : This is a piece I thought of sharing with you'all which is very inspiring, hope you'all had a good time reading through this, here are my thoughts on my existence...

God never asked my preferences when he was designing me... I am sure he must've thought of something and made me, i am just following and living up to his creativity :)

Welcome 2010!

2010-01-01T00:56:00.003+05:30

Dear Friends,

Wishing you all a very happy fun filled and with lots and lots of peace within and in the world outside in this year.

I welcome very graciously to a new year ahead, may this year all our worries die down and we shall be happy truly, finally :)

Happy New Year 2010

Much Love

Rashmi :)

Muscle Spasm!

2009-12-20T11:34:00.002+05:30

MUSCLE SPASM...

Yeah stop raking your brains with to what this means because even i don't know what this means either...i can only say that this is something i am diagnosed with and that is why am not allowed to sit in front of the lappy for longer period of time at one go.

Sorry folks as i am not able to write or post any new stories or any sequels these days, for a lot of reasons

VIZ

I am not well which then entails that i have had a muscle pull sometime a month and half ago and repercussions are resurfacing now and that too really badly.

I have to take medications and physiotherapy for that thus keeping me away from any physical activity at all.

Doc says, i should be fine soon if taken proper care and not straining my neck more as i need rest.

I don't understand how much more rest a person needs who's already doing nothing at all, could be that doing nothing must have caused this strain or sprain or god knows what.

Secondly, i am sort of busy these days as my elder brother has come down from US so kind of spending time with him and roaming around.

One important news though, i have got my US tourist VISA done which has been pending from over a year almost thanks to my not-interested attitude.

HMMmmmmm what more...

Yes so this is all from my life so far, would be back soon blogging and writing and sharing and reading more.

Love you all and yes of course i miss you all as well.

Rashmi :)

My first Dance Show :)

2009-12-12T18:05:00.003+05:30

Today is a very special day of my life...my very first dance stage show that too with the institution which in itself is a heavenly place to be.

Yes Shiamak Davar Insititute Of Performing Arts. This place is an experience in itself...i loved dance since my very childhood but never really gave it a thought to pursue it professionally or even learn it from any teacher.

But having been associated with this Institute i am really very satisfied and happy would be an underestimated word.

I am feeling exhilarating...we performed superbbbbbb today :)

I am gonna continue this dance thing of mine...

Wow!!!

Please people go and live your dreams...its worth giving it a try, the kind of high you'll get out of it is unspeakable.

Cheers to life!

The end...

2009-12-09T21:30:00.005+05:30

“I have to tell you something,” said he.

“Ya go ahead,” she replied.

“I am meeting her these days,”

Oh! Nice…she said.

I am kind of giving it a second shot…he continued…

Hmmmm

I…I was thinking of…telling you this…but thought you wouldn't like it.

Hmmm…

But then I thought I should at least stick to one promise I made…I shall be honest with you.

"Hmm….listen I’ll hang up now," she finished.

Beep beep…the phone disconnects.

Sometimes some conversations…leave you with very sweet memories.

2009-12-05T14:50:00.003+05:30

Sometimes all it takes is a good enriching soul stirring conversation to get started. I have always felt that having a good heartfelt talk with someone can really bring about certain well directed changes in your otherwise plain life which had got monotonous living the day to day ramblings.

Here I will narrate one such conversation that took place between me and one girl I happen to meet while I was walking back home the other day. She sat with me in the rickshaw which we both hailed after coming out of the train which I am now recollecting even she boarded on Vashi station. This station comes on the harbour side of this humongous city.

She asked me if I could give the five rupee coin to her and she would then pay the ten rupee note to auto rickshaw guy. I kindly obliged her as this wasn't much to do anyways. I then started to see outside and was admiring the beauty of a calm and serene evening, with winds nicely caressing my face with its tender strokes. I guess I was smiling too though very mildly to avoid any weird scenario for others who were watching my expressions.

She saw me from the corner of her eyes and then mustered the courage may be I guessed it so as she was very hesitant to raise any sort of question and also was fidgeting with it while sitting there. I turned my head and looked at her. And i asked her if she was okay and if she wants to say something. To which she merely replied with her sweet smile and nodded her head which I guessed accounts for a no.

After sometime she again was looking at me and when i turned my head,she said to me.

I really like your smile and your face looks so calm.

To which all i could do was smile again.

This short but sweet remark made me think how much can a simple smile put across, and serve as a connection between two complete strangers. You don't necessarily need words to communicate always.

Recently, I had gone for this meeting to be held for all the group leaders of Shaimak Davar Dance institute as this show is going to happen on 12 Dec 2009“Winter funk”…and there I happen to meet this sweet girl who had come from Virar which means she must have woken up at around 5 in the morning to reach here for the 11 o’clock meeting…but that really didn't bother her as looking at her enthusiasm for dance, it was nothing big.

After we continued chatting from XYZ things we exchanged our numbers as by then we had really clicked well. As i suddenly started to feel an urge to leave everything and pursue dance full time. Really this girl's enthusiasm got me hooked and also the environment over there was fabulous and so electrifying that I now feel to get into this full time.

Well who knows what I am going to do next so folks don’t get surprised if tomorrow you’all might find me training people as an certified shaimak davar dance institute’s instructor and dancing my way and doing shows all over the globe…wow what a life would that be :)

Unknown Eccentricities

Trip to Kerala.

I am happy!

She was me!

May be...

Death beckons…

Lifeless soul...

Insatiation

Lonely stretch...

Festive time of the year!

O Dear Death!

Alone I stand...

Nothing like morning mist!

25th Birthday!

The knock on the door.

Beloved Bicycle!

Decisions!

Meera

Ashima!

Uncertainty!

Real Beauty!

Purple!

Feels Like Home Lyrics!

Diya Ghuma Ke!!!

Us!!!

I want...I miss...

Love conquers all...

I knew i was into her...

Revisiting Time which has gone by...

I want to be happy!

New Year...

:)

Am i okay? No, i am not.

How to reach a state of Zen

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Its time.

Swear words.

First Date Continues…

Unknown number.

I...

Come with me...

First Date!

Weird isn't it!

Self-questioning again!

That accident...

Dhanteras!

Talks

Random Mutterings!

Phoren Land Craze!

Changing Friendship!

Road traveled everyday!

Drawing...imaginations!

A gift.

Happy Monsoons.

Trip from Jaipur to Delhi then back to Jaipur then Bombay.

Nostalgia resurfaced…

A musical journey...

One apple...

My wedding night...

Friendship

7 more days...

The boy in the striped pyjamas

The journey continues...

Personal Effects...

Back to square one :|

Him...

USA voyage

Adiós for time being...

Talks...

Story nos 1

Just living it...each day!

Comes the Dawn

Welcome 2010!

Muscle Spasm!

My first Dance Show :)

The end...

Sometimes some conversations…leave you with very sweet memories.